I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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