im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
