Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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