Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
