please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
