I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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