I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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