Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
