Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
