mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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