a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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