Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
