I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
