i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
