i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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