moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
