man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
