i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
