dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
