Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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