his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
