Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
