if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
