walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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