I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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