i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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