So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
