they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
