So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
