Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
literally had 100 drinks last night.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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