I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
