I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
