i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
