Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
