I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
