you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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