Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
