do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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