I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
