think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
