I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
