didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
