I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
