so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
