i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
