Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
