Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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