I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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