bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
