Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
