after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
