I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
