I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think a kid would responsible me up
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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